


Wear knee guards

by a_world_of_lonely_people



Category: Original Work
Genre: Leprechauns, Lions, Robots, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 15:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21163778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_world_of_lonely_people/pseuds/a_world_of_lonely_people





	Wear knee guards

After saving money for five months, Luigi finally had enough money to take a vacation to Africa. While Luigi had little interest in the country, he was happy to have the chance to get away from his nagging wife. Luigi could not wait for the peace and quiet.  
However, after having contracted malaria 47 times, he was beginning to have serious doubts. The lion that now stood 5 feet from his tent wasn’t helping. Luigi felt a burst of panic as the lion stepped closer. He didn’t want to die! There were so many things Luigi still wanted to do. He wanted to climb Mt. Everest, and have a love filled relationship.  
The lion got closer. Luigi was never a bed wetter, but his pants sagged with the amount of urine that flooded them. However, just a foot away, the lion stopped. Steam suddenly poured out from its neck. Stilts protruded from the ears, and lowered themselves to the ground. The lion’s head began to lift up, revealing that its body was full of electronics, with a hollow spot inside. A small man resided inside. The man grinned, showing a mouth of rotten yellow teeth and green gums. “HELLO! MY NAME IS RUMPLEDKILLSKIN!” spoke the tiny goblin, his voice reminiscent of a dying cat. The goblin suddenly leapt out of the mechanical lion, simultaneously drawing a knife. “AND I’VE COME FOR YOUR KNEES!” screeched the creature. Luigi stumbled to his feet, and began to run for his life. Rumpledkillskin gave chase. Luigi had barely been running for ten seconds, before he felt something heavy latch onto his legs. Luigi tripped and fell to the ground. Luigi lay on the ground, crying as the goblin lifted it’s knife. The a gleeful shout, Rumpledkillskin plunges his knife right below Luigi’s left knee. He then proceeds to carve it out. Luigi would have fought back, but even his shirt had become soaked with urine, making it too heavy for him to move his arms. The goblin then removes Luigi’s right knee. “ME THANKS YOU FOR YOUR KNEES!” growled the goblin. Suddenly, a rainbow descended from the sky, and a pot of kneecaps appeared. The goblin tossed Luigi’s kneecaps into the pot, and hopped on top. With a terrible howl, the the goblin, who was actually a leprechaun, rode his pot of kneecaps into the sky, across the rainbow. He was soon gone from sight.  
Luigi died of dehydration in Africa. His kneeless legs were unable to support him, and he could not search for water. He regretted having asparagus for breakfast. Luigi’s wife went on to have a happy marriage with his brother, and no one noticed he was gone.


End file.
